Monthly Archives: December 2006

A General for All Sports

Soon to be the winningest coach in college basketball history.Sometime in the near future, Bob Knight will collect his 880th victory as a college basketball coach and surpass Dean Smith as the all-time winningest coach in college basketball history. This may happen as soon as tomorrow night, when Knight’s Texas Tech Raiders host the Rebels of Nevada-Las Vegas. Of course, the debate as to whether Knight is the greatest coach in college basketball history, a control-freak nutjob, or something in between is entirely open for debate. However, one thing that is pretty much not debatable is that “The General” is one of the greatest motivators of all time. Throughout his career, he has gotten the most out of players whose talent is inferior to that of the players at the nation’s true powerhouse college hoops programs. All the recent Knight hoopla has once again brought his questionable coaching tactics and fiery personality to the center stage. It has made us wonder, given Knight’s take-no-nonsense attitude, how he would deal with some of the crybaby professional sports figures of our time. We hypothesize how “The General” would have dealt with the following:

Chad Johnson – “Ocho Cinco” is no longer a nickname, but the number of stitches the egotistical wide reciever must recieve after Knight clobbers Johnson upside the head with his clipboard following some ludicrous touchdown dance.

Barry Bonds – Steroid accusations and BALCO would be the least of Bonds’ worries if Knight was running the show as the Giants bench boss. Bonds’ roid rage would most likely be vastly overshadowed by Knight’s rage watching Barry dog it in left field for 130 games a year.

Terrell Owens – Owens drops potential first down pass on third-and-seven. Owens walks off field with head down. Knight pops Owens under the chin to get him to make eye contact. Owens storms off the field and attempts to commit suicide, except he fails when he drops the gun too. Wash, rinse, repeat.

The New York Giants – This would perhaps be the biggest test yet for Knight as he is forced to pick up the pieces following the unmitigated disaster that is the Tom Coughlin era. I bet Jeremy Shockey’s a lot less tough and reveals what a pretty-boy he really is when Knight violently grabs him by the face mask and tells him to “shut the hell up and just catch the damned ball.” Unfortunately, I don’t think even Bobby Knight could teach R.W. McQuarters how to cover a wide receiver or make a tackle.

Allen Iverson – “The Answer” would not be skipping practice on “The General’s” watch. Not if he values breathing, anyway.

Latrell Spreewell – I would love to see Spree try to choke Bobby Knight. Knight would have just strangled Spreewell right back.

Imagine if a chair hit Van Gundy right about now.Jeff Van Gundy – I’d wager it’s a lot tougher to hold on to and bite Alonzo Mourning’s ankles when you get clobbered by a chair that’s been flung across the court.

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Random link-age:

From the Department of Unfortunate Names – Check out the name of the U.K.’s Chief of the Defence Staff. You can’t make this stuff up. (Credit: got this one from Uni Watch).

Man Sets Himself on Fire to Protest Naming of School Vacations – Wait. What? Psycho.

The Anatomy of a Shopping Mall – Interesting article about how shopping malls figure out which stores go where. (Credit: found this one at Al’s Morning Meeting over at Poynter).

Man Continues to Drink During D.U.I. Arrest – What an asshole.

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Ineptitude in Trading and in the Media

Rewarding unReasonable Actions EverywhereAnother week comes to a close, and once again it is time to dole out the hardware. It was a busy week this week, so I didn’t have as much time to scour the internet for stories, but I think we’ve got a couple pretty decent candidates. Every Sunday, “The Voice of (un)Reason” presents two unReason of the Week Awards, one each in the field of sports and news. These awards honor the most ridiculous, inane, or downright stupid things we found over the course of the previous week.

I can’t wait to see who he picks with those two first-rounders.This week’s unReason of the Week Award for sports goes to Billy King and the Philadelphia 76ers for trading Allen Iverson for virtually nothing. The could really win an award of the decade for something like this, since it was really a string of moronic decisions that led to this hideous display. Let’s recap. Philadelphia had one of the top five players in the game right now, and certainly one of the top like 30 of all-time, and they just traded him for a decent point guard, a scrub power forward, and two draft picks. Now, I know a lot of people out there will argue that those two picks were first round picks. However, remember that Billy King will be the one making these picks, and you soon realize that those are not as lucrative as they might seem. The choices will inevitably be botched. You also might say “Well, what choice did the Sixers have? A.I. demanded a trade.” This is true, but do you think he would have demanded a trade had he not been forced to play season after season with a mediocre supporting cast thanks to years of poor management? Not to mention, Philadelphia could have at least gotten something worthwhile for A.I. if they had simply traded him over the past off-season. Congratulations to the 76ers, you got one of the best players of this era, and completely botched everything you did with him. Nice work.

These men raped nobody, but thanks to the media portions of the public will always think they did.This week’s unReason of the Week Award in the news field goes to the news media for it’s handling of the Duke Lacrosse rape case. Now, this case has been ongoing since the spring and it has seemed fairly obvious all along that the media was depriving these young men of due process and making them guilty until proven innocent in the court of public opinion. Naturally, that was confirmed this week when the defense attorneys realized they had no case and dropped the rape charges against the lacrosse players. Unfortunately, it’s far too late now. The college lives (and perhaps beyond) of these young men is effectively ruined and their image undoubtedly tarnished. The lacrosse program at Duke is in shambles. All this because these reporters took ALLEGATIONS and turned them into FACTS. The media is always quick to jump on things that may have happened, but never takes the time to undo the damage when they are found to be in the wrong. I have yet to see any media outlet step up and say “Okay, with the evidence out there now, we were clearly wrong in our assumptions. We extend our most heart-felt apologies to the members of Duke University and its lacrosse program.” Did something stupid probably happen at this party? Probably. Was it any stupider than your average college party? Probably not. In fact, it certainly wasn’t any stupider than some of the stuff that’s happened at Quinnipiac this year (link withheld because I value my job, but head to Google and plug in “Quinnipiac basketball arrest” and have a look around… and keep in mind that both players involved can still be found on the bench at a Bobcats basketball game) Was this girl raped by Duke lacrosse players? Most definitely not. But now, thanks to the media, the kids involved will forever live with the tag “rapist” applied to them. Nice work, media.

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No random links today because I haven’t had a lot of time to look through the news lately. I’ve only got one link and I’ll just save it for when I’ve got something else to go with it.

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Denver is Not the Answer

What must be going through his mind?As I’m sure you are aware by now, earlier this week the Philadelphia 76ers traded Allen Iverson to the Denver Nuggets. Let’s put aside for a second how the Sixers got hammered in this deal, as they traded away one of basketball’s best for pocket change. That was bad, but we all saw that coming when they didn’t unload him in the off-season. The real problem with this deal for the neutral NBA fan is that A.I. did not end up with the team that was the best fit for him. He will be forced to try to share the ball with a young gun who is still trying to prove himself (Carmelo Anthony) instead of with a veteran with which he would be more likely to meld. He is now paired with a coach with whom he will inevitably clash; let’s face it, A.I. and George Karl just come from completely different schools of thought. Certainly, it isn’t up to Philadelphia to do what’s best for the league as a whole, but think of the possibilities if Iverson had been traded to a couple of other places. The Clippers would have instantly become title contenders and one of the most electric teams in the league with A.I. on the court. Half of the teams in the Eastern Conference (Celtics, Raptors, Nets, Pacers, Wizards, etc.) would have become infinitely more exciting and legit threats in the conference with Iverson. Or even better yet, imagine Allen Iverson and Kevin Garnett working together in Minnesota. Two veteran presences, both in search of a ring before their careers draw to a close. They would have been unstoppable together. Instead, off to Denver he goes, and while the deal certainly improves the Nuggets, it also creates the potential for an explosion of epic proportions between A.I. and ‘Melo, A.I. and Karl, or ‘Melo and Karl. With that, we offer a few things which just might have run through the head of Nuggets’ head coach George Karl when the trade went through:

  • “I wonder if there’s any way I can sneak two basketballs on the court at the same time without the refs noticing.”
  • Karl’s ticket out?“Is Latrell Spreewell available? If he chokes me to death, maybe I won’t have to worry about keeping both of these guys happy.”
  • “Or maybe I can just start another brawl and get A.I. suspended when ‘Melo’s about to come back, and alternate them all season long.
  • “Oh wow: ‘Melo and A.I. If they do get along, imagine how much I’ll be able to run up the score now.”
  • “I bet A.I. won’t sprint the other way after he punches somebody in the face.”
  • “I also bet when he uses the ‘Mile High Club’ line on Denver ladies it works a lot better than it does for me. Damn.”
  • “I can’t wait until the draft. Just imagine how Billy King [76ers GM] is going to blow those two first-rounders.”
  • How did he not get involved in this deal?“Shit, I can’t believe this deal actually went through. I really thought Isiah would sneak in and make an even more absurd offer. He should ****-ing be held accountable! ****! I’m losing games by 10, 11 points!”

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Link-age from the past few days:

Two Teens Arrested for Stabbing Inflatable Snowman – Johnny Law may not appreciate their actions, but I commend these young men. There is no need for giant, inflatable holiday decorations. They’re just ultra-tacky.

Woman Arrested After She Complains to Police that Someone Sold Her ‘Bad Crack’ – Remember this post last week, when we included the link about the man who was arrested for reporting he was robbed of his illegal drugs? Apparently he isn’t the only person being arrested due to their own stupidity.

Woman Tries to Give Pot to Imprisoned Boyfriend By Putting it in a Christmas Card – More stupid people and drugs.

U.S. Mint to Produce Dollar Coins Featuring First Ladies – So, let’s recap. Susan B. Anthony coins failed.  Sacagewea coins failed. So, in response, not only are we going to mint dollar coins with images of presidents (as we already discussed here a month ago), but ones with the former first ladies as well. Yeah, sounds like a great idea.

Red Sox Have Become Another Version of the Yankees – ESPN’s Jim Caple points out how Boston has essentially become “Evil Empire North.” I couldn’t agree more.

Woman Sends Baby Through Airport X-Ray Machine – Seriously, if you’re a parent, how in the world do you allow this to happen. Looks like the folks getting themselves arrested for illegal drug use have some competition for this week’s unReason of the Week Award.

Important Evidence May Be Buried in Man’s Head – This story certainly creates an interesting debate between the rights of the state and the rights of the individual.

Festivus Being Celebrated in Real Life – Oh man, this is great.

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40 Minutes of False Hope

The Quinnipiac Bobcats…… take on the Dartmouth Big Green…Monday brought with it the official start of the winter break. The first weekday on which their were no classes was certainly cause for celebration and relaxation (relaxation particularly necessary after last week’s car wreck). With no more projects, tests, or papers hanging over our heads, we were free to do whatever we pleased. However, our first order of business was to take a trip right back down to school and the house in Hamden. Seems that when my scattered brain left many things behind that I would actually need in the coming week. After that, it was time for the first road trip of the winter break. Off to Hanover New Hampshire for men’s basketball action between the home-standing Dartmouth College Big Green and your Quinnipiac University Bobcats.… from the Leede Arena in Hanover, N.H. It seemed like a perfect time for a running diary, with an emphasis on the unusual and entertaining, of course (hopefully enough interesting stuff will happen). Here’s a minute-by-minute account of the events at Leede Arena:

7:36 PM: We’re underway. Tip controlled by Quinnipiac, who naturally, misses a three to start things off.

7:37: After a miss at the other end, Van Crafton hits a three for the Bobcats to open the scoring.

7:38: 1:12 into the game, and Dale Meinbresse has a foul and a traveling violation. Good to see him making the best of his start.

7:39: Bobcat free-throw watch. Karl Anderson hits two from the line, and the Bobcats are 2-2 on the game. Shocking.

7:40: Anderson with a rebound, feeds a streaking DeMario Anderson for a fast break layup. Bobcats out of the gates fast. 7-0 Quinnipiac with 17:30 to play in the first half.

7:42: And… there it is! Took almost three minutes, but there’s the first Bobcat turnover due to running the court faster than they can handle. Van Crafton streaks down the right wing and fires a pass into the middle… right to a player in a white shirt. Unfortunately, the Bobcats are wearing blue tonight.

At the other end, the Big Green are on the board 3:19 into the contest with a free throw. 7-1 Quinnipiac.

7:44: Karl Anderson picks up his second foul some 20 feet away from the basket. Off to the bench he goes less than five minutes into the game. Where have I seen this before…

First media timeout of the game. 10-1 Quinnipiac with 15:39 left in the half.

7:46: Unfortunately, with the students on break, this place is dead. The entertainment for the first media timeout is the kids mopping the sweat out of the lane. No cheerleaders, no t-shirt tossing, no nothing. Unfortunate.

7:48: In the play after the timeout, senior Dartmouth guard Leon Pattman goes crashing to the floor just to the left of my seat. He hobbles directly to the locker room favoring his right ankle after the next whistle. Can’t be a good sign for the Big Green.

7:52: Pittman hobbles back out of the locker room and takes a seat at the end of the Dartmouth bench.

Simultaneously, Dartmouth hits their first field goal of the night: a three from DeVon Mosley. 12-4 Quinnipiac with 12:30 to play. Maybe just having him back on the bench provided some kind of mental lift.

7:53: Or, maybe not. On their next possession, the Big Green turn the ball over with a travel 25 feet from the bucket.

Second media timeout. 11:33 on the clock: 15-4 Quinnipiac. Dartmouth just can’t hit a shot at all.

During the break, Pattman checks back into the game. I guess the injury wasn’t that serious.

7:56: Rare signs of life and emotion coming from the Bobcat bench. Seems they’re enjoying playing with a lead for a change. Maybe they’ll try it more often.

7:57: Bobcat free-throw watch: Victor Akinyanju clanks two. Quinnipiac now 2-6 on the game after hitting their first two.

7:58: Job Casimir checks into a game for Quinnipiac for the first time all season. With the first semester officially over, he is once again eligible to compete. Let’s see how long it takes him to fall over while dribbling the ball.

8:01: He didn’t fall over, but there’s his first turnover. Tried a no-look pass on a 2-on-1. Maybe he should have looked. Layup the other way sparks a quick four-point burst and pulls Dartmouth to within seven. Timeout Quinnipiac.

8:03: Third media timeout. 7:34 to play and the Quinnipiac lead has been trimmed to 17-12. The Bobcats are starting to slip back into their run-and-gun offense, even though sitting back and taking advantage of the match-ups they had was working just fine.

8:04: Three-point shooting contest by some kid during the timeout. He was shooting with what looked to be a volleyball or some other crazy object. At the least, it was not your standard orange basketball. I think he went 1-for-7 from behind the arc.

8:07: Quinnipiac free-throw watch. Akinyanju hits one of two. The miss hit the backboard before the rim, and the make fell through after a high bounce of the back of the rim. Bobcats unofficially 3-for-8 from the line by my count.

8:10: The Quinnipiac free-throw watch continues. Karl Anderson splits a pair. 4-for-10 for the team now. I think they’ve found our kryptonite. I’m just waiting for a team to employ the “Hack-a-Shaq” philosophy against Anderson and Akinyanju.

8:11: Fourth and final media timeout of the half. 3:36 to play: 23-15 Bobcats. I leave you momentarily to fulfill one of my only duties of the night. I must make sure the winning coach at halftime (Quinnipiac’s Joe DeSantis, in this case) remembers that he must do a television interview.

Half-time wrap-up: I spent halftime making sure the coach of each team showed up for their TV interview at the right time and chatting with Erin in the stands. So, if anything important happened, I missed it. I did, however, get a close look at the volleyball-like thing mentioned in the shooting contest before. Turns out it’s a basketball painted white and then with green dollar bills painted on top of that. It’s called the “Money Ball.” How original.

The first half box score says the Quinnipiac free-throw watch stands at 7-for-13, with Akinyanju sporting a spectacular 1-for-5. A few other important numbers: Karl Anderson has three fouls and is thus starting the second half on the bench. Van Crafton leads all scorers with 10 points. The Bobcats have managed to turn the ball over nine times. Dartmouth shot 7-for-27 (25.9%) in the first half and yet they’re still in the game because Quinnipiac only managed to hit 10-for-25 (40%). As always, free throws are the story: Dartmouth has hit 6-for-7 (85.7%) from the line while, as mentioned above, Quinnipiac is 7-for-13 (53.7%). Ug-ly.

8:38: Second half underway. Still 30-22 Quinnipiac. So, the good news is that we managed not to lose any ground over the halftime break.

8:39: But it doesn’t take long for the slip to continue. Early Dartmouth bucket cuts the lead to six.

8:44: A DeVon Mosley jumper completes the collapse. Dartmouth has their first lead of the game, 31-30 with 16:00 to play.

8:45: First media timeout of the second half. 31-30 Dartmouth with 15:23 remaining.

There’s the t-shirt toss we’ve been waiting for. Who doesn’t love the firing of promotional items into the crowd?

8:50: Quinnipiac free-throw watch. Chris Wehye twice drives to the bucket and makes a layup. Twice he is fouled in the process. Twice he misses the opportunity for a three-point play. 7-for-15 from the line for the Bobcats, who hold a 34-33 lead.

8:52: Dartmouth calls a timeout with 12:05 on the clock. First time out of the second half, so it becomes a media timeout. 37-36 Quinnipiac. Nice move by Dartmouth coach Terry Dunn to get his team some rest. With the timeout stretched to a media timeout, and another media timeout coming at the first whistle after the 12:00 mark (i.e. five seconds from now), there’s plenty of time coming up for these teams to get their legs back under them.

8:56: Second media timeout of the half. Still 37-36, now with 11:46 to play.

8:58: Quinnipiac free-throw watch. Akinyanju hits the first… and… misses the second. However, he gets his own rebound and gets fouled again. He’s 2-for-7, and the team is 8-for-17.

8:59: Akinyanju air-balls the front end of the next two free throws. Haven’t seen that since the C.J. Vick days. He also clanks the second. 3-for-9 on the day for Victor, and 8-for-19 for the Bobcats: a miserably even 50%.

Side note: Somewhere during that stretch of Akinyanju free throws, I heard Randy Brochu mention “Hack-a-Shaq” on the radio broadcast going on to my right. Apparently I’m not the only one with that idea.

9:01: Casey Cosgrove to the line in a 1-and-1 situation. The Bobcats are already in the bonus with over 10 minutes to play. If (big IF) they hit their free throws, they could and should take this one. Cosgrove hits both and Quinnipiac is now 10-for-21 from the line on the evening.

9:06: Third media timeout of the half. 7:20 to play, and a 45-40 lead for Quinnipiac. This game is quite low scoring, but it certainly isn’t because it’s an epic defensive battle. Just sloppy on both ends all evening.

9:12: It’s tougher to hear Joe DeSantis from the opposite side of the court (as opposed to right next to him at home games), but this is the first time I’ve noticed him working the officials all night. It appeared the shot clock continued to run for a second after the ball had been whistled out-of-bounds and expired on the Bobcats as a result. As per usual, DeSantis states his disappointment in an energetic manner and then leaves with a smile (or perhaps a smirk) on his face.

9:14: Final media timeout. Dartmouth putting together a little run. We’ve got a barn-burner on our hands: 47-46 Dartmouth with 3:08 to play. I suppose I should start thinking up questions for interviewing Coach DeSantis afterwards for the post-game quotes portion of the web site.

9:16: Bobcat free-throw watch. Crafton drains two to pull the Bobcats to 12-for-23 from on the night.

9:17: There it is. The back-breaker. You could see that one coming from a mile away. Pattman drills a three from about six feet behind the arc as the shot clock expires. Tie game: 49-49. Timeout Quinnipiac.

9:19: Following a turnover by the Bobcats, Mosley buries a three from the corner, and all the momentum is headed Dartmouth’s way. 52-49, Big Green with 1:37 to play. Dartmouth takes a timeout to set up their defense. Not much of a crowd here, but they are making some noise for the Dartmouth comeback.

9:21: Big-time Bobcat free-throw watch here. Adam Gonzalez drives, hits a layup, and is fouled. His free-throw could tie the game. And… he got it. Quinnipiac evens it at 52-52, now with 1:11 to play. Bobcats 13-for-24 from the line on the night.

9:24: In case you’re not a Quinnipiac fan, let me bring you up to date. This is the point every night where you start to ask yourself: “How are they going to lose this game?” They’re certainly in the game (after all, it’s tied with a minute to play), so you’ve got some hope. But, at the same time, almost no part of you is actually convinced that they will win the game.

9:25: Continuing the Quinnipiac free-throw watch. Wehye fouled after coming down with a defensive rebound, and Quinnipiac is in the double bonus. Wehye drains the first… and… has the second rim out on him. 53-52 lead for the Bobcats, who are now 14-for-26 from the line. Timeout Dartmouth.

9:28: Pattman fouled while shooting in the lane with 19.0 seconds to play. Nice of the Bobcats to put one of Dartmouth’s best at the line. He drills them both to give Dartmouth a one-point lead.

9:29: Crafton gets trapped in the corner with the ball, and DeSantis has to call a timeout. 8.7 seconds left and the Bobcats are down a point. Time to come up with something good.

9:30: Gonzalez drives the lane, and passes the ball… out of bounds. That was not something good.

9:32: Pattman hits two at the line to more-or-less ice things. 56-53 Dartmouth, 2.7 seconds to play. Timeout Quinnipiac, as they try to draw up a play for a buzzer-beating three.

9:33: The Bobcats nearly turn the 3/4-court pass over, but it bounces right to Gonzalez, who’s shot clanks off the right side of the rim. 56-53 Dartmouth, final. And I get to go talk to DeSantis for post-game quotes. Fun.

9:40: Alright, that wasn’t too bad. One quick sound-bite at done.

Post-game wrap-up: Dartmouth’s Leon Pattman scored more points (13) in the second half than any Bobcat had in the game (Van Crafton led the way with 12). Quinnipiac shot 37% from the floor, and were the better of the two teams as the Big Green managed only 32.2%.

Bottom Line: Final Quinnipiac free-throw watch: 14-for-26 (53.8%). Turnovers: Quinnipiac: 18. Dartmouth: 7. There’s your game right there between those two stats.

Not nearly as much interesting stuff happened as I had hoped. Overall, it was really a pretty dull game until the last couple minutes. Hopefully this post ended up being somewhat entertaining despite that.

In the end, this was really the same exact basketball game that I’ve seen played at least 12 times in my four years here. The effort was there, it almost always is. The execution however… not so much. We’ll see what happens on Saturday against Vermont.

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Just a few links from the past couple days:

Floyd Landis to Retire – And he tries to play the sympathy card on the way out. How pathetic.

Shortage of Kilts for Scottish Soldiers – “… in the meantime, soldiers will have to share.” Sharing kilts? Don’t the Scottish traditionally wear nothing under their kilts? I’ll pass on the sharing, thank you.

Noses May be More Powerful than Previously Thought – This “highly scientific” study was carried out by having college students blindfolded sniffing the ground for chocolate. Interesting.

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Annoying Parents Being Hunted By the Blind

Rewarding unReasonable Actions EverywhereAlright, first things first. I apologize for the lack of life on the blog this week (this is only the second post). I managed to wreck my car (picture at right; click for larger view) The Once-Proud Neonin a two-car accident on Wednesday night and have spent most of the rest of the week re-gathering my nerves, dealing with the insurance aftermath, procuring some wheels while we determine what to do with the car, etc. We’ll try to get things back on track this week. We’ve got the awards today and then something on the Quinnipiac – Dartmouth men’s basketball game tomorrow (I’m thinking running diary at this point). Other ideas being tossed around for the next couple weeks include: some form of year-end wrap-up (this will depend on how many wacky news stories I can find from earlier in the year), a “Night Before Christmas” story (which will revolve around Quinnipiac, the sports world, stupid people, or some combination of all three), something on the college football national championship game, along with whatever else I can come up with. Of course, if anyone out there has ideas for things which need to be written about, feel free to pass them along. Now, on to today’s post:

Every Sunday, “The Voice of (un)Reason” presents two unReason of the Week Awards, one each in the field of sports and news. These awards honor the most ridiculous, inane, or downright stupid things we found over the course of the previous week. On a side note, I think I’m really going to like writing the titles for these awards posts; they can lead to some really ridiculous stuff. Anyway, on to the awards:

If Only the Parents Took Some Pride in this TeamThis week’s unReason of the Week Award for sports goes to Parents of Arkansas Football for their shameless harassment of Razorbacks head coach Houston Nutt. This team just made the SEC Championship game, where it fell only to the national championship game-bound Florida Gators. They won 10 games for the first time since 1989 and had only three losses for the first time since 1998. They are headed for a bowl game for the first time in three years. They are going to be nationally ranked at the end of the season for the first time since 1999. They’re going to the CapitalOne Bowl, which is arguably their most prestigious bowl appearance since 1989 when they went to the Cotton Bowl, back when the Cotton Bowl actually meant something. Yet, somehow none of this is good enough for the parents of a few football players at the University of Arkansas. Instead of revelling in the success of the Razorbacks, these parents are worried more about the playing time their little “angels” are getting. Never mind that the students in question are true freshmen, and as such should simply be ecstatic to be getting any playing time at a I-A program, much less a team that is a contender in the nation’s toughest conference. Add in that the parents didn’t even have the guts to confront Nutt instead, but went over his head and yapped to Athletic Director Frank Broyles. What a joke, I hate obsessive parents. ESPN’s Pat Forde said it right when he said that college football coaches generally aren’t worth their inflated salaries, but Houston Nutt is earning every penny of his.

The Room Which May Allow the Blind to HuntThis week’s unReason of the Week Award in the field of news goes to the Texas Legislature for considering a bill which would allow the blind to hunt. Go ahead, I’ll give you time to re-read that line. Texas is seriously considering… allowing… the blind… to hunt… with guns!… Go read it one more time if you want. Good? Okay. This article was originally featured in the links section of Wednesday’s “NFL Term Papers” post. Now, I do kind of see where they’re coming from with this. Specially designed sights, making it mandatory that a person with good eyesight be present to help them aim. Texas is trying to use modern technology to allow all of its citizens to enjoy one of the state’s favorite past times. But, while I understand that, let’s be serious, shall we? These people are BLIND! And you want to let them SHOOT GUNS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! If this bill somehow becomes law, the late night shows are going to have a field day. Again, they want to give the BLIND the right to SHOOT GUNS! Why am I not surprised at all that this issue came up in Texas. Although, on the other hand, the blind can’t possibly do any more damage than Dick Cheney, right?

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Some links from the second half of this week:

Search for a Cat Causes Apartment to Go Up in Flames – Some lady burned up her entire apartment because she chose to use a cigarette lighter to light the area under her bed to search for her cat. Ever heard of a flashlight? Score another one for Bridgeport.

Woman Clobbers Manager With Sack of Potatoes – I don’t care who you are, that’s funny right there.

7-Foot Python Pulled from Toilet in Australia – I don’t think I’d be able to take a crap for a solid week if that happened in my house. Yikes!

Glass-Bottom Deck Planned at Grand Canyon – I would totally go to Arizona just for this. That is going to be so cool if it gets built.

Accuser in Duke Rape Case Pregnant – I’m sure you all saw this on ESPN or on the news at some point this week. My question is this: how is this just coming up now? How did nobody pick up on this earlier? We hear nothing about this lady for months, and then suddenly “Pop!” she’s giving birth to a child?! Strange. Hopefully paternity testing can answer once and for all whether the Duke Lacrosse players were involved in this mess or not.

Mice on a Plane! – Ah ha ha ha. Hysterical.

Man Sentenced to Community Service for Sleeping on Railroad Tracks – Apparently the event in question happened back in March, but the man is just being sentenced now. Pretty funny nonetheless.

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NFL Term Papers

It’s Term Paper SeasonEach of the past two days, I sat down to write a final paper. On Monday, it was a 10-page paper comparing and contrasting the cultural statements made by three historical narratives of different eras in Irish history. Yesterday, it was a nine-page paper on how baseball writers had really botched their coverage of steroids in the game before Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams of the San Francisco Chronicle showed up on the scene (a paper which I may post at least some excerpts from at some point in the future). Upon finishing each paper, I was faced with the task of coming up with an appropriate title for each paper. In MLA style, the first half of the title of a paper is something which grabs the reader’s attention, and the second half describes in more detail what the paper will be about. For example, the paper about the coverage of steroids in baseball ended up being titled “Disgrace to the Game: How American Sports Writers Have Failed America’s Past Time.” While I was coming up with titles, the question ran threw my mind: “If I had to write an appropriate title for my life this semester, what would it be?” Eventually, that led to me wondering what other things could lead to interesting MLA-style titles. So, “The Voice of (un)Reason” now presents the term paper titles for each NFL team’s season so far:

AFC East

Losman has suddenly started finding his receiversBuffalo Bills – “Maybe He Found His Contact Lenses?: How and Why J.P. Losman Suddenly Discovered His Teammates Were Wearing the SAME Color as He Was”

Duuuuuuuude. Sweeeeeet.Miami Dolphins – “It Took Eight Weeks of Fumigation, But We’ve Finally Aired the Place Out: How Removing the Aroma of Marijuana Left Behind by Ricky Williams has Let the Dolphins Start Racking up the Wins”

The women in your life just can’t resist.New England Patriots – “Our Coach and Quarterback Are Sleeping With Your Wife/Girlfriend: The Anatomy of Winning With Good Looks and No Wide Receivers”

New York Jets – “Life in a Stadium Named for a Different Team: New York’s ‘Other’ Team Tries to Make a Playoff Push”

AFC North

Baltimore Ravens- “Defense: Baltimore’s One-Dimensional Plan for Success”

If I had to play with him, I might opt for jail, too.Cincinnati Bengals – “The Ocho Cinco and an Orange Jump Suit: The Orations of Chad Johnson Drive the Bengals to a Life of Crime”

Cleveland Browns – “What Can Brown Do for You?: Not Much”

Pittsburgh Steelers – “End of the Line: How the Departure of ‘The Bus’ Left the Steelers’ Repeat Hopes in Detroit”

AFC South

Houston Texans – “Oh When the Saints Go Marching In (To the End Zone): The Sorrows of Choosing Mario Williams over Reggie Bush”

Indianapolis Colts – “Manning the Fallout Shelters: The Colts Preparations for their Inevitable Playoff Meltdown”

Unfortunately, it appears we may have some violations of Academic Integrity policies, as the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have both come up with the same titles – “Opponents Distracted by Fun in the Sun: Why We Can’t Win Outside the State of Florida”

Vince Young has wasted no time showing he can cut it in this league.Tennessee Titans – “Fountain of Youth: Dissecting How Young Makes Defenses Feel Old”

AFC West

John Elway he ain’tDenver Broncos – “Pick Your Poison: Elway’s Former team Forced to Decide Between Plummer and Cutler”

Another potential act of plagiarism. The Kansas City Chiefs and the Minnesota Vikings both seem to have written the same paper – “Middle of the Road: Our Struggles for Publicity in a Division With the Conference’s Best and Worst Team”

Are we sure he’s alive?Oakland Raiders – “Somebody Check His Pulse: 17 Weeks of Complete Indifference from Art Shell”

LDT may single-handedly win the Super BowlSan Diego Chargers – “Bolt-ing Towards the Title with the Thunder of LDT: The Chargers Show that with a Dynamo Running Back, Even Philip Rivers Can Win”

NFC East

Dallas Cowboys – “Troy Takes the Tuna off the Grill: How a Quarterback is Saving His Coach’s Career”

He may play for the West Coast Giants, but he’d fit right in with the East Coast ones, too.New York Giants – “Barry Bonds Would Fit Right in Here: The Total Dysfunction of a Locker Room”

Philadelphia Eagles – “If Only the Phillies Were Still In-Season: One Sports City’s Quest to Boo All Four of Its Professional Teams at Once”

Washington Redskins – “Deadskins: A Defense that Tarnishes the Image of the Native American Warrior”

NFC North

Wait? Seriously? He’s leading one of the NFL’s best teams?Chicago Bears – “A Strong Defense and a Weak NFC: The Anatomy of Going to the Super Bowl with Rex Grossman”

Detroit Lions – “47-Car-Pileup: Lions Represent the Motor City With their Representation of a Firey Wreck”

Yes, I know you’ve accomplished a lot, but it’s time to retire already.Green Bay Packers – “Clinging to the Frozen Tundra: Why Brett Farve’s Inability to Say Goodbye is Keeping the Packers Entrenched in Mediocrity”

As mentioned above, it appears that the Minnesota Vikings and the Kansas City Chiefs may have unethically collaborated in their work – “Middle of the Road: Our Struggles for Publicity in a Division With the Conference’s Best and Worst Team”

NFC South

Classy. Very classy.Atlanta Falcons – “Double-Barreled Salute: Michael Vick Hopes Off-the-Field Screw-Ups Will Overshadow the Ones he Makes on the Field”

Carolina Panthers – “In the Weinke of an Eye: The Coinciding Fall of Delhomme and the Panthers Playoff Chances”

Yup, the Texans really blew that decision.New Orleans Saints – “A Cast-Off Brees Blows and a Bush Falls into Their Hands: the Saints Capitalize on the Stupidity of Other Teams”

Once again, as mentioned above, a potential Academic Integrity violation by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Jacksonville Jaguars – “Opponents Distracted by Fun in the Sun: Why We Can’t Win Outside the State of Florida”

NFC West

Arizona Cardinals – “Trojans and Colts Whither in Desert Heat: How Matt Leinart and Edgerrin James Have Yet to Save the Cardinals”

San Francisco 49ers – “Dressed for Successive Failures: The Lack of a Linear Relationship Between a Coach’s Dress and a Team’s Play”

Seattle Seahawks – “Simply Cogs in an Invisible Machine: Thriving Despite Key Injuries and Relative Obscurity”

St. Louis Rams – “Scouting the Local Grocery Store Stock Boys: The Rams Return to Old Tricks in Attempts to Find Some Talent”

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A whole bunch of random links from the first half of the week:

Huskies to Get JuCo All-American Quarterback – This is phenomenal news for football fans in Connecticut. The team has struggled to find leadership ever since Dan Orlavsky graduated. Hopefully this will help things take a turn for the better.

Shoplifter Foiled When Pants Fall Down – She stuffed so much in her pockets that her pants couldn’t even stay up. Hilariously stupid.

New Jersey Principal Camps Out on Roof – Interesting motivational stunt.

Airport Workers Put Up Christmas Trees – Airport execs had taken them down because of a threatened lawsuit by a local Rabbi (who wanted a menorah added, not the trees taken down). However, employees of the various companies operating within the airport decided to put up trees themselves. The Rabbi has since dropped the lawsuit.

Texas Legislature May Allow Blind to Hunt – Yup. Only in Texas.

Condoms Too Large for Indian Men – Just try to read the first sentence of this story without giggling. I dare you.

Reindeer Hot Dogs in Chicago – Very interesting. I’d try one if I was given the opportunity.

Man Reports Stolen Drugs to 911 – So, he was illegally selling marijuana out of his house, got robbed, and called the police to report it, which of course led to his own arrest. Brilliant.

UCLA Database Hacked – Hackers may have had access to personal information of some 800,000 students, alumni, and faculty. Hopefully network administrators in institutions across the country heed this and take steps to upgrade their network’s security.

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Overspending and Buying While on Fire

Rewarding unReasonable Actions EverywhereSo, today, The Voice of (un)Reason wraps up its first month of existence; day number 30 since we launched from the sidelines at Gampel Pavilion. Hopefully the first 11 posts have given you an idea of what is to come in the future, and of course, we’re very much still figuring out where this is all going to go ourselves. Today we introduce our first weekly segment. Every Sunday, The Voice of (un)Reason will present two “unReason of the Week” awards, one each in the field of sports and news. Basically, the weekly awards will honor the most ridiculous things we can find in each field over the week. Without further ado, on to the first ever winners:

$14 Million a year?! Seriously?The first ever unReason of the Week Award for sports goes to the Boston Red Sox for their signing of J.D. Drew to a five-year, $70 million contract. I mean, wait a minute. Are you serious? $14 million per year for an outfielder who has never played more than 150 games in a season, and only twice has topped 140. Since becoming a full-time big leaguer in 1999, Drew has averaged 118.25 games per season. That’s 43 or 44 missed games a year. Throw in that he has only twice batted over .300 and only three times hit 20 homeruns or more, and it’s just really hard to fathom how he is worth this kind of cash. Sure, he’s coming off of arguably his healthiest and most productive season (100 RBI for the first time), but you have to assume there’s always a potential breakdown right around the corner for Drew. I just can’t imagine that there was no way for them to get him (or someone about equal to him) for a whole lot less money. I guess Trot Nixon just wasn’t filling the role of pretty decent, often-injured, right fielder well enough for Boston.

“Let’s go shopping THERE!”On the news side, the first ever (un)Reason of the Week Award goes to Ohio shoppers who continued to shop even though the building they were in was ON FIRE. This story was mentioned in the links section of this week’s “Final Exam Survival Guide”, and again, my reaction is: “Are you serious?” The building is on fire, smoke is so thick that it caused $100,000 worth of damage to merchandise, and the natural instinct of these people is to… KEEP SHOPPING! What is wrong with you people? Leave and go to another store! Or leave and come back after the building is no longer ON FIRE! I don’t care what I’m shopping for, if the store I’m in bursts into flames, I think I’ll head on out the door. I’ll take care of my consumer needs at some other time. Not to mention, not only did people not want to leave the store, but more people were still TRYING TO GET INTO THE STORE! “Hey, that store over there is on fire.” “Wow, would you look at that, it is.” “We should head on in and see what kind of sales they have.” “Sounds like a good idea to me.” WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!

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Just a couple links from the past day or so:

Town of North Pole, Alaska Responding to Letters to Santa – One of my favorite holiday stories every year. What a great community.

Driver in Princess Diana Crash Was Drunk – New DNA evidence surfaces. How sad.

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