A very Happy New Year to everyone!
Now, count me in among those who just don’t get the New Year’s celebration. It’s a whole bunch of hype and buildup for what? Midnight? Whoop-de-freakin’-doo! I see midnight every night. Heck, some nights I’m just finally getting around to eating dinner at like midnight. It happens. So I don’t really get why there’s all this hoopla over the start of a year as arbitrarily defined by our calendar. I understand from a mental standpoint a new year may offer a clean slate and a fresh start of sorts. But, at the end of the day, it doesn’t erase anything good or bad that happened during the previous year and it also doesn’t mean that the new year will necessarily be better or worse than the last. I’ll admit, I’m excited for the first couple months of 2007, but I’m excited because of the EVENTS that are happening, not because it’s a new year. Quinnipiac’s opening a brand new hockey and basketball arena. I’m starting my final semester as an undergraduate. College basketball and college and pro hockey seasons really kick into full swing. Baseball season is just around the corner. It’s an exciting time, but I’d be happy for these events if they happened in November or July, or whenever else. So, I just don’t get New Year’s. Maybe I’m just not cool.
In any event, here at the Voice of (un)Reason we’ve stumbled across (read: made up) the New Year’s resolutions of some prominent athletic figures:
Allen Iverson resolves not to throw a hissy fit over practice in Denver… at least until Carmelo stops sharing the ball with him.
Carmelo Anthony resolves not to punch anybody and then run 70 feet in the opposite direction… at least until A.I. stops sharing the ball with him.
The New York Giants resolve to get their coach, Tom Coughlin, fired… even if they have to implode in a first round playoff game and keep throwing each other under the bus all next season to make it happen.
Barry Bonds resolves to whine that racism is keeping him from being signed… that racism is why his new (and/or old) teammates hate him… that racism is why the media is targeting him… that racism is why he stubbed his toe on the bathtub in the morning… that racism is responsible for his appearance in this blog… that racism, and not steroids, shrunk his testicles… etc, etc, etc.
Gary Bettman resolves to continue his ongoing goal of driving the sport of hockey further into obscurity in America… his next step is to infuriate players and fans alike by changing the game’s jerseys.
The Boston Red Sox resolve to offer a five-year, $90 million deal to bring B.J. Surhoff out of retirement… because they really need another outfielder who will only play 100 games and hit about .280.
John Daly resolves to wager a large sum of money on the Houston Texans to win the Super Bowl.
The Houston Texans resolve to draft a defensive back over Brady Quinn and Troy Smith if they are given the opportunity… they like their chances with David Carr.
The Detroit Lions resolve to fire Matt Millen… only to re-hire him for three times what they’re currently paying him… sorry Lions fans.
The Detroit Tigers resolve to make their pitchers practice throwing to the bases in spring training this time around.
The Cincinnati Bengals resolve to partner with a local bail bond company and establish a “Every Sixth Bail-Out Free” promotional program.
O.J. Simpson resolves not to kill anybody else… but if he did, this is how he would do it…
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No news links today. I took the holiday week off from constantly surfing the news. As such, you may have noticed there were no unReason of the Week Awards, either. They should return next week.
1 Comment
January 2, 2007 at 2:15 am
the new years actually resembles the amount of time it takes for the earth to make a complete revolution around the sun… and that is comprised of 365 rotations of the earth – hence the midnight shindig. at 12:oo am, the earth has started it’s next revolution. – in theory – it’s the easiest way with all the time zones and shit i guess…
and to those who believe in the alignment of the stars and planets, then a new year does make a bit of a difference…
but in reality, it’s mostly another reason for people to get together and get drunk. On top of people feeling like they closed a chapter of their lives and being able to start over again.
Plus, if we didn’t celebrate new years and disregarded years all together, then we would have a real timeline for historic events…
PS.. screw the new hockey jerseys….. i like them the way that they are