Road Rage 101

Jump to Comments

This time of year we begin to enter the holiday travel season. Over the next week and, on a larger scale, the next month and a half, everyone will be taking to the highways and the byways for their holiday travel. Everyone from the east coast to the west coast will be on that Dixie Highway back home, because this is our country (Oops, sorry… slipped into Mellencamp mode for a second). So, in honor of the holiday travel season, The Voice of (un)Reason presents ten of the most annoying groups of drivers out there on the road (additions of groups I may have overlooked are more than welcome):

People Who Change Lanes Without Signaling – What? Are the rest of us supposed to read your mind? The damned lever is six inches from your left hand. You don’t even have to push it all the way until it clicks when you’re driving on the highway. All you need to do is just hold the lever up or down for three and a half seconds while you slide over a lane. It’s one thing if you’re all alone on a deserted road, that pretty much falls under the “If a tree falls in the forest…” theory. But in traffic, use the freakin’ blinker. Equally annoying as the no-signalers are their close relatives…

… People Who Leave the Signal on and Don’t Change Lanes – These folks are the ticking time bombs of the interstate. They’re either clipping along doing 80 in the left lane with the right blinker on, or putzing along at 50 in the right lane with the left blinker on, or even worse yet, cruising down the middle lane with either blinker on. These guys in the middle are the worst. At least if the constant blinker is in an outside lane, you know which way they’re going to go if they go anywhere. However, if this person is in the middle, you have no idea. They could go in the direction their blinker says they will, but will it be now or seven miles down the road. They could go the other way, with or without changing the signal to that direction first. Or they could just keep cruising down the middle with the blinker on. Again, the lever is six inches from your right hand and there’s a blinking green light on the dashboard that shows your blinker is on. If you aren’t changing lanes, turn the blinker off.

Motorcyclists Who Drive in Between Lanes to Slice Through a Traffic Jam – Hey. Just because your vehicle is small enough to rip down the dotted white line between lanes does not give you the right to not sit in traffic like the rest of us mere mortals. I get the urge to just open my door in the middle of the highway to bring these guys to an abrupt stop, but I’m guessing it isn’t worth the manslaughter charges.

People Who Use the Breakdown Lane in a Traffic Jam – I’m convinced these people must be motorcycle drivers temporarily stuck in normal vehicles, because they seem to feel they shouldn’t have to sit in traffic like the rest of us. Whenever I find myself in the right lane of a traffic jam, I like to edge my car halfway into the breakdown lane. That does a pretty good job of stopping these people. Although someday I’ll probably get in the way of someone who decides barreling through my car is better than sitting in traffic. Meh, you win some, you lose some.

People Who Tailgate People Who Have No Place to Go – When you’re in the left lane and actively passing people in the middle lane, I think you should be free from pressure from behind. Can’t they wait the ten seconds until you finish the pass and slide over before they whiz on down the highway. I mean, if I’m out in the left lane with nobody in the middle and you come up behind me without me noticing, feel free to get right up behind me and flash the lights, it’ll get my attention and I’ll get out of the way. But, if I’ve got nowhere to go to get out of your way, back off and chill out for a few seconds, will you? (Note for honesty: I very often am a member of this group myself, especially if I’m running late. I’m not making this list as an attempt to put myself on a pedestal above other drivers. I’m prone to driving like an ass sometimes myself.)

People Who Tailgate People When There’s Plenty of Space to Pass – Along the same lines as the last group, I think this one is actually the worse form of tailgating. If someone in the middle lane is driving with no one on either side of them, and you are driving faster than them, just go left or right (preferably left) and pass them. There is absolutely no need to tailgate someone when there is plenty of room to pass them, and yet, it still happens.

People Who Drive in Someone Else’s Blind Spot – This one happened to me this morning, actually. I went to shift a lane to the right. I checked the mirror, flicked my blinker on, started to edge over, looked over my shoulder to check the blind spot, and woah, there was another car there. No need to panic, touched the brakes, and slid back into line. Shit happens, no harm no foul, and it’s my fault for not checking the blind spot first. But then, the person proceeds to continue to drive in my blind spot for the next THREE MILES! If someone just almost switched lanes into your car, don’t you think you’d make the effort to get somewhere where they could see you as soon as possible? Again, I’m not debating that an accident (had one occurred) would have been my fault. In the end, it is my responsibility to be aware of what’s around my car. But, driving in other people’s blind spots for an extended period of time is just an accident waiting to happen.

That Person Doing 50 in the Middle Lane – To me, this person is even more dangerous than the person doing about 90 and weaving through traffic. At least the speeder you can usually see coming from behind and get out of the way, or at least be ready for. The problem with the slow driver is that in the distance (and especially at night) they look as though they’re relatively normal drivers. Then suddenly you’re right behind them, the space is closing fast, and you need to quickly check the mirrors, asses the risks, and make a quick left-or-right, on-the-fly decision. I think I’m far more likely to get in an accident because I get clobbered while changing lanes around a slow driver than I am going to get in one because I get run off the road by a speeder.

People Who Speed Through Work Zones – This is probably the worst group out there. As I admitted above, I do have a tendency to drive aggressively sometimes (or oftentimes, if I’m late) and I’m certainly not the world’s most perfect driver. However, that said, I very much subscribe to the “Let ‘em Work, Let ‘em Live” school of thought. These men and women are out there in very unglamourous jobs maintaining and improving our roadways; slow down a bit and let them do their jobs without worrying about being run over by some maniacal driver. If you go through a work zone doing 75, you’re an ass. End of story.

Anybody With a Florida License Plate – I don’t think I even need to explain this one. The entire state can’t drive. It’s really an incredible phenomenon.

************************************

A few links I found interesting over the last few days:

Submarine Full of Cocaine Seized Off of Coasta Rican Coast – 3.5 million tons of cocaine?!?! Goodness. Though, the primitive submarine they were using sounds pretty neat.

Alabama School Bus Plunges Off of Highway Overpass – Certainly not entertaining, but bizarre to say the least. Three are dead, and 30 more are hospitalized.

Neighbors of Clintons Forced Off Road and Shot – More bizarre news, but a few things don’t add up here. The guy was driving in a SUV and was forced off the road by a car? It’s a SUV! just keep driving. He was stopped long enough for the gunman to get out of the car and get into the SUV? Once the other car stops, if it isn’t a cop, start driving again! Run the gunman over with your SUV if you need to. On another note: why are the Clintons news in this story beyond the fact that they live on the same street? Did the Associated Press really need to contact the Clintons looking for a comment? The news is that an innocent couple was forced off the road and shot, not that the Clintons live down the street from them.

Stern’s Listeners Haven’t Followed Him to Sirius – Does anyone else really, really enjoy watching Howard grasp at straws now that people have just stopped listening to it. I think it’s really hurting his massively inflated ego, which I, in turn, find very amusing.

U.S. Mint to Begin Producing Presidential Dollar Coins – Didn’t we try this a few years back with the Sacajewea golden dollars? Didn’t that fail miserably? Has anyone even seen a Sacajewea coin in the last like four years?

Animal Fidelity – Really interesting read about how fidelity and sexual behavior varies amongst different animal species. Some very interesting stuff, and some very weird stuff as well. Definitely have a read through this one.

News Corp. Cancels O.J. Simpson’s Book and Television Appearance – Well, that sure didn’t take long.

3 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized