You may have heard about this game. Perhaps you’ve heard them talking about it. That is, unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past month. The upcoming match-up of undefeateds has recieved a hype and buildup like no other. Saturday at 3:30, The Ohio State University Buckeyes will host the University of Michigan Wolverines at “The Horshoe” in Columbus, Ohio. The winner will have an inside track to the BCS National Championship Game in Glendale, Arizona on January 8. And you won’t forget any of that, because if you do, someone from the ABC/ESPN family of networks will remind you in the next 5.7 seconds. Brent Mussberger will tell you during every commercial break for the rest of today and anytime before kickoff tomorrow to “Carve it in stone,” because this is the best college football game the year/decade/century/millenium/existence has to offer. I’m excited for this game and all, but come on, this has gotten out of hand. The only way the promotional campaign for this game could get any more annoying is if Mussberger were singing John Mellencamp’s “This is Our Country” over a montage of Ohio State and Michigan highlights. Terrifying though, isn’t it?
But anyway, in preperation for the mammoth clash of gridiron titans on Saturday (oh geez, we’re slipping into promo-speak ourselves), “The Voice of (un)Reason” offers a few off-the-cuff predictions for things you might see or feel on gameday or during the aftermath:
- You will probably be sick of this game by the time noon rolls around if you watch ESPN’s “College GameDay: Presented by the Home Depot” in the morning. Starting at 10:00 AM this season, GameDay offers 120 minutes of preview for the upcoming Saturday of college football. I fully expect a solid 75-90 minutes of the show this week to revolve around Ohio State vs. Michigan, effectively sweeping everyone else under the rug.
- GameDay will offer at least one celebrity insight on the game. With Kirk Herbstreit already on the panel representing Ohio State, and former Buckeye Chris Spielman also on the ESPN payroll, expect someone with Michigan ties to pop up during Saturday’s broadcast. Perhaps Tom Brady live via satellite? Rod Woodson?
- Sticking with GameDay, I pretty much expect Lee Corso to pick the Wolverines and don some Michigan headgear as the show closes at noon, if for no reason other than him wanting to incite the ire of the assembled crowd in Columbus. After host Chris Fowler offers his non-partisan insight of the game, Herbstriet will proceed to tell us the keys to the game for Ohio State. This will be immediately followed by Corso exclaiming “Not so fast!”, putting on some Michigan headgear, and turning around to taunt the crowd while yelling incoherently. Carve it in stone.
- If the game itself lives up to all the hype and is decided by a touchdown or less, we will be subjected to more hype for the next three weeks, as everone and their mother will begin to tell us how these two teams should meet again in Arizona for the National Championship Game in January. This will happen despite the fact that as a result of this game, one of these two teams will not even have won their own conference.
- On the other hand, if the game becomes a blowout and doesn’t live up to the hype, we will hear for the next three weeks about how the game was such a dud. Also, in the event of a dud, expect the media to immediately begin to profess their love for the Notre Dame vs. USC game, the Big XII Championship, and the SEC Championship. Between those four games (including Ohio State vs. Michigan) they’re bound to stumble across one premier contest of the college football season.
- Either way, if you weren’t already sick of Michigan vs. Ohio State by its opening kickoff, you will be sick of the aftermath by December 9 (if not sooner). Carve it is stone.
- Should Ohio State fall to the Wolverines, you will hear countless pundits say that they saw it coming (or that we all should have seen it coming) because of the Buckeyes schedule. Expect multiple references to the Wolverines’ rout of Notre Dame on the road, while Ohio State did not play a single quality opponent outside the BigTen. As such, Ohio State was clearly and obviously unprepared for this game (though oddly, nobody will mention this before the game).
- If nothing else, you can watch some classic laundry on the field, as these teams sport two of the best uniforms in college football. For Ohio State, it is red jerseys with white numbers and stripes, silver pants with red striping, and shining silver helmets adorned with stickers of buckeye leaves awarded for good plays. For Michigan, it is white jerseys with blue numbering, maize pants, and the classic blue helmets with maize wings. Both teams uniforms are pure classic, having gone unchanged in pretty much forever. So if nothing else, this game is going to look very cool.
The Voice of (un)Reason’s final prediction: Michigan – 24, Ohio State – 17, Brent Mussberger – annoying
… Carve it in stone.
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A few links I found interesting over the last few days:
NCAA Defends Tax-Exempt Status – What a joke. This organization makes millions from the exploitation of student-athletes, and doesn’t even have to pay taxes on it. Lame.
O.J. Pens Book About How He Would Have Committed Murders – I fail to see how this is a wise PR move for “The Juice.” Is he really this desperate for cash. I mean, it’s not like he ever actually paid up on that civil suit he lost.
Kidnapper Shoots Himself in the Groin – Bright guy.
German Doctor Has to Pay Child Support for Botching Birth Control Implant – Very interesting case in Germany. The German media is apparently up in arms about the court’s ruling, calling it “scandalous.”
University of Connecticut Ranked #36 on CollegeHumor.com’s 2006 Power Rankings – CollegeHumor recently ranked the Top 50 colleges and universities in the nation at “having the maximum amount of fun while putting forward the least amount of effort.” Michigan State led the way with a “perfect” score. The University of Connecticut checked in at #36. Link to full rankings at CollegeHumor.com.
Woman Uses One-Sided Counterfeit $20 Bill – Another real bright criminal here. (Credit: found the link to this one over at LMNOP).
Cat Possibly Gives Birth to Puppies – If it’s true, then this is a pretty interesting story. I’m guessing there’s probably a more logical solution though, such as the one mentioned in the story’s last paragraph.
Netherlands Considering a Ban on Burqas – And they’re trying to do it in the name of national security. Yikes.
Man Who Was Supposed to Be on Lidle Flight Dies in California Plane Crash – Creepy Coincidence.
Kansas City Secret Santa Identity Revealed – Good story about a very generous man who unfortunately has been struck with cancer.
Flavored Golf Tees; See the Colonel from Outer Space – Flavored golf tees seem like a good idea. I would enjoy those if I still played at all (some day I’ll get back to it). On the other hand, the idea of marketing that can be seen from outer space seems to set a precedent for a whole new era of corporate signage. Great.
‘Nurse-In’ to Support Woman Kicked Off Plane – In my last post, I linked to the story of a woman who was kicked off a plane for breast-feeding a baby. On Wednesday, 30 parents protested at the counter of the airline on which the incident occured.
